All In
by dysfnctnly-sane
Summary: Jane and Maura have an argument regarding their relationship. Jane finally comes to her senses. Rated K . Rizzles. One-shot.


**I was listening to "All In" by Lifehouse yesterday and this kinda wrote itself. Italics are a flashback, just so you know. Un-beta'd, so all mistakes are my own. It's a one-shot for now, but I may continue it if the mood strikes. Drop me a line, let me know what you think.**

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><p>It had been almost ten hours since they last spoke. Jane was lying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about their last argument. They had been happening more and more frequently the past few weeks, months really. It would usually start over the simplest thing, such as whose house they'd stay at that night. It would usually blow over and they'd be lying in bed together, ending the night with them making love before falling asleep. This latest fight, however, was different. The hurt in Maura's eyes. The sorrow, the longing. Maura was tired of being her secret. She wanted to be open about their relationship. It wasn't unfamiliar argument for the detective. She had been in this situation before, and it always ended the same. With her alone and in pain.<p>

"_Mmmm," Jane moaned as Maura pulled back from their kiss. The smile on her lover's face was the most heavenly thing Jane had ever seen. She pulled the honey-blonde closer. Maura automatically snuggled into her side. Jane breathed a contented sigh before pressing a kiss in Maura's soft tresses. "I should probably get going soon."_

"_You're not staying the night?" Maura asked rising up to look into Jane's eyes. She could see the conflict in the dark chocolate depths of her lover's eyes. That internal war that was always waging._

"_I want to," Jane replied sincerely, "but I told Ma I'd take her shopping tomorrow. Her car's in the shop again."_

"_All the more reason for you to stay," Maura argued. She knew she'd lose this battle. She always did. "Please."_

"_M, please don't do this," Jane begged as she sat up in the bed. "You know I'm not ready."_

"_How much longer will it take for you to be ready?" Maura asked dejectedly rolling away from Jane and rising from the bed. "You say that you love me and yet you hide me from everyone that matters to you. Are you really that ashamed of me?"_

"_You know that's not it, Maura," Jane replied tears beginning to pool in her eyes. She quickly made her way to Maura, standing directly in front of her, looking her dead in the eyes. "I do love you and there is no way I could be ashamed of you."_

"_Then what is it?"_

"_You don't get it, M," Jane said looking past the ME, unable to maintain eye contact. "You weren't close with your family. I've already lost my dad, and I haven't even told him. I don't think I could deal with losing the rest of them."_

"_What makes you so sure you'd lose them?" Maura questioned._

"_We're Catholic, the two things don't really mesh," Jane replied. "And you didn't see the look on Ma's face when Giovanni hinted, not so subtly, at the fact that I'm gay."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Remember the case involving my classmates?" Maura nodded. "When I was questioning him after Maria died he made some dumbass remark about me being able to appreciate Emily's tits now, too." Maura noticed Jane's frown deepen at the memory. "Ma was standing there. The look on her face. She looked disgusted."_

"_You never told me about that," Maura replied. "What did she say?"_

"_Nothing. I ignored both his remark and her look and continued questioning him. She didn't bring it up again and I never gave her a reason to."_

"_I'm not a good enough reason to." Maura saw the anguish and fear in the detective's features, but she wasn't ready to give in. "Jane, I love you, but I'm tired of being your friend with benefits."_

"_You know you are more to me than that," Jane said firmly. She brought her hand up, caressing Maura's cheek._

"_But that's what it's beginning to feel like," Maura replied her voice beginning to quiver. "The only time we spend together alone, outside of work, we're in bed." The comforting feel of Jane's hand threatening her resolve, she stepped back. "I need more. I want to be able to cuddle with you on the couch without worrying about Angela walking in, or go out to dinner without worry about someone seeing us." She wiped away the few runaway tears that escaped, inhaling deeply._

"_We can go away together," Jane suggested hopefully. "A weekend down in Province Town maybe. Just the two of us."_

"_That sounds nice, but it doesn't fix the situation here." The honey-blonde stepped forward again, reaching up to wipe the tears from her lover's face. "I want to be able to hold your hand at the dinner table, regardless of your family being present during dinner or not. I need you to be all in. I can't keep pretending." She rose up on tiptoe, pressing a soft, longing kiss to Jane's lips. "You should go."_

"No," Jane said aloud to her empty bedroom, "I'm not losing her." She glanced at the clock on her nightstand. The bright red numbers read 5:27 AM. She hadn't slept a wink, but didn't care. She needed to fix this.

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><p>*KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK*<p>

The incessant knocking on her door awoke Angela from a deep sleep. She looked at her clock. 6:00 AM. "Who's here this early on a Saturday," she asked aloud as she rose from her bed. She pulled on a robe and her slippers as she made her way to the door. Peeking out the window, she saw that it was pouring rain. Standing out in the middle of that pouring rain was her daughter.

"Janie, what are you doin' here?" Angela asked as she swung open her door. Jane stood shivering from the cold, but she didn't move to enter. Angela could tell she had been crying. "Come inside. It's freezing out there." She ushered her daughter in and went to the bathroom to grab her a towel. "What's wrong, sweetie?" she asked handing it over. Jane still hadn't said a word, only paced back and forth through the small living room. She accepted the towel and tried to dry herself, only to give up a moment later and drop the towel on the floor. Angela's patience finally running out, she stepped in front of the lanky brunette, stopping her in her tracks. "Jane, what's going on? You're scaring me."

Jane looked down into her mother's eyes only to quickly look away when her own eyes began to tear up again. "Ma…I got something I gotta tell you." She started rubbing the scars on her palms as she spoke, something she did when she was nervous or scared. In this moment, she was a little of both. "I don't know how you're gonna take it…I am scared to death to say it…but… I can't lose her…and we can't keep going how we're going." She closed her eyes as she inhaled deeply, opening them upon exhaling. Her eyes finally met her mother's as she continued. "Ma…I'm gay." She watched as her mother's eyes grew wide.

"What?" was Angela's first reaction.

Reading Angela's expression wrong, Jane turned to leave. "I'm sorry."

"Wait!" Angela shouted as she reached for her daughter. "I didn't tell you to leave…I'm just shocked." Jane turned back to face her mother who's expression was unreadable. "Since when are you gay? You've always dated men."

"You've only seen me date men," Jane answered honestly, "and the only reason I did…at first, I didn't accept it myself. I refused to. So I kept pretending, initially to try and convince myself that I'm not gay, just haven't met the right guy…but then I kept it up just to convince everyone else."

"So…you've dated women?" Jane nodded slowly. "For how long?"

"I had my first real girlfriend a few months after I graduate the academy," Jane admitted.

"And you never told me? Why?"

"I'm a coward."

"That's ridiculous, Janie," Angela chortled. "You've never been afraid of anything in your life. Even when you should be."

"That's not true. I'm just good at hiding it." She looked down at her mother with hopeful eyes. "Look…I'm sorry to spring this on you out of the blue at six in the morning, but…"

"You can't lose her," Angela finished for her.

"I can't lose her."

"I'm guessing you're talking about Maura." Jane nodded. "You two have a fight?"

Another nod. "We've fought over this before, but this last time felt final." Jane took a shaky breath in glancing out the window towards the main house. Toward Maura's bedroom window. "She didn't give me an ultimatum or anything, but I've been there before. I've lost too many good relationships due to my cowardice, and I refuse to lose her." She looked at her mother again, becoming frustrated that she couldn't read her expression. "Okay…I need you to tell me where you're at with this."

"Honestly?"

"Preferably, yes."

"Okay," Angela replied taking a breath before continuing. "You caught me off guard coming knocking on my door at six in the morning and just blurting it out like that, but to be completely honest with you, I'm not entirely surprised."

"You're not?" Jane asked disbelievingly.

"No," Angela replied with a shake of her head. "I have considered it in the past, the possibility of you being gay."

"Really?"

"I remember Emily," Angela stated matter-of-factly, "and Stephanie." A smirk grew on the elder Rizzoli's face as a blush crept up Jane's. "Do you remember back in '04 when your father and I switched churches?"

"Yeah," Jane answered. "You said you had a disagreement with Father Thomas. You never said what it was about."

"It was shortly after same-sex marriage was past into law in Massachusetts. Father Thomas' sermon that next week was focused solely on that topic, the abomination that is homosexuals." She took a step forward placing her hand comfortingly on Jane's arm. "I refused to believe that God would feel that way about you. I didn't know whether or not you were gay, but I did know that there was no way God could hate you. Not the loving, caring, selfless, amazing woman that you are, regardless of who you love. Father Thomas didn't quite agree."

"You switched churches because of me?" Jane asked, unsure of what she was feeling. "What did Pop say?"

"You're his little girl, Janie," Angela replied. "You really think he wouldn't agree with me on this?"

"I guess my thinking has been all wrong," Jane chuckled humorlessly as she wiped a stray tear.

With a soothing smile, Angela rubbed Jane's arm as she continued. "The church we go to now, or well…the church _I_ go to now, Dignity/Boston. It's very welcoming to your community."

"I don't know what to say," Jane shook her head.

"How about you tell me that you'll take me shopping some other time, because right now you need to go make up with your girlfriend?" Jane chuckled again, this time there was a smile on her face. Angela smiled back wrapping her arms around her daughter, enveloping her in a tight embrace.

"Thank you," Jane whispered as she hugged her mother back.

"I love you, sweetie."

"Love you, too, Ma," Jane replied as she stepped back. She glanced out the window again towards Maura's room, then at the door.

"Go on," Angela smiled.

"Thank you," Jane repeated as she made her leave.

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><p>Jane let herself into the main house using the key Maura had given her and headed straight to Maura's bedroom. She stopped just outside the bedroom door to take a calming breath. Then, without warning, she opened the door and walked in startling the honey-blonde.<p>

"Jane?" she asked worriedly as she noticed the raven-hair detective walking towards her. Upon seeing the state that Jane was in, Maura immediately rose from the bed. "Oh my gosh, you're soaking wet."

"We need to talk Maura," Jane said ignoring the doctor's concern.

"You need to get out of these wet clothes first," Maura replied. She turned to retrieve some dry clothes for Jane but was stopped by a strong hand gripping her shoulder.

"No," Jane said adamantly, "We need to talk _first_." She put a hand on each of Maura's shoulders, holding her in place. She looked into Maura's hazel-green eyes and saw how they were red from crying, just like her own. Maura looked up at her with confusion, but before the ME could voice it, Jane spoke. "I just came from the guesthouse. I'm all in."

"You mean…?" Maura started but was interrupted by the detective.

"I talked to Ma. I told her about us." Jane cupped Maura's cheek in her left hand as she continued. "I know she's just one person. I have a lot more that I need to talk to, but it's a start. I finally came to my senses. I am not giving up this time." She wiped a tear from Maura's cheek with her thumb, ignoring the ones that were running down her own cheeks. "I have lost too many people due to my own stupidity and cowardice. You mean too damn much to me to let you go." She ran her thumb over Maura's bottom lip, smiling when Maura kissed it. "I love you and I'm all in."

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><p><strong>Reviews are always appreciated.<strong>


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